The Connection She Seeks (How to Feel Less Alone)

She is in me and I feel her longing.

Oh Wild Woman,

I am her and she is you

Oh Wild Woman,

and it is also her own self that she seeks too.

The Wild Woman is you, me, and every woman.

And She longs to connect

the lines between us and grow these deep

like an old tree’s roots, so grounded, so strong

it would take many earth shakes to break in two.

-FS

Authors note:

This piece was birthed out of the desire to create community and connection that would span timezones, languages, skin color, and age.

Humans, especially women, thrive in connection and community. Living in the most unprecedented time in human history, I’m sharing my journey on how you can feel less alone and find the connections that you, too, seek.

I would like to thank my dearest Shannon Santangelo and Emelitta Da Silva for being exemplary friends a woman could ever ask for in these times.

"When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives," -Sansa Stark

Connections forged in the most unlikely places

It was June 2020 and I was navigating life unemployed yet again. The worldwide pandemic forced the world to an almost standstill, my life along with it. Before the world closed down, I thought I was living the life of dreams—and I was—but I’ve always felt that something was amiss.

I thought romantic relationships would fill it but I’m not as naive as I used to be. You can’t fix what’s broken by piecing it together with another that’s broken (and this can be a story in itself but for another time).

I was earning the most I’ve ever earned as a freelance content writer. I lived where I always wanted to: by the beach so I could surf every day and anytime I wanted to.

I had a job that allowed me to earn more by doing less but I never got to enjoy this blessing of a job fully out of the guilt that turned into shame because I kept replaying this story in my head that “I don’t deserve all of this”.

In my pursuit of proving to myself that I was enough—earning enough, beautiful enough, enough to be loved and be lovable—I journeyed on a path that used to be less traveled (hello, entrepreneurship).

And here’s where I met beautiful and powerful women that unknown to us then, would share the pack that I’d share the next chapters of life despite being worlds apart.

How to feel less alone

If the pandemic that happened wasn’t enough to make us realize that humans are social beings, I don’t know what needs to happen before we admit that we need community.

I need you and you need me.

We need each other.

Women, you know this to be true.

We crave depth, connection, and community forged through the adventures (or misadventures) that living entails.

I didn’t have the nourishing community that I craved. I waited and waited until I grew tired of waiting. So I went on a search to find the connections I sought leading with my heart in this one, instead of my mind. With everything and everyone forced to a distance, I turned to the next best thing: going online.

In February of 2021, I decided to put myself out there and invest in my own personal growth. Nobody was going to teach me what I thought I needed and so I ended up joining a business program that led me to meet wonderful women from all over the world.

“I realized every three weeks since February, you and I have gotten together on Zoom!” I wake up to a WhatsApp message by one of my constants or ‘business besties’.

What started out as an avenue to hold space and be held turned into a wonderful friendship that spanned time zones, languages and the color of our skin.

We just don’t talk about business and our entrepreneurial journey.

We chat about our dogs and raising them.

We share about our businesses and failing them.

We open up about our relationships and where it’s hurting or where it’s healing.

She tells me I can say no.

I tell her she can say yes.

She reminds me about my boundaries.

I encourage her about her gifts.

I actively invite her into my life and she does the same.

Friendships like this don’t happen overnight but as a woman, you know your intuition is strong when you’ve sensed that you somehow, met with a kindred spirit.

I felt less alone because I had someone who would hold space for me, would see me, listen and hold judgment.

I willingly do the same for her and though it may not be perfect, we transcend and grow with each failure.

I believe the only way to feel less alone is to have someone to share life with.

It’s not just in romantic relationships but in deep friendships—even when you haven’t met face-to-face YET.

A connection of three and a ‘yet’

“Cool. This is all great, Ferina but what can I do if I don’t have what you have right now?”

I hear you. I feel you.

“What if I don’t have what you have yet?”

The operative word here is not YET.

You may not have these connections now but you will if you want to.

There are more ways than one to be connected to the Wild Woman that is alive around us and in us. Here are three that I found true in my felt experiences and of our sisters:

A connection to my body—finding your way back home to yourself—I find living in a very masculine world challenging and soaked up in so much masculine energy that I couldn’t feel connected to my body in any way.

I have another constant, a radiant woman of whom I probably share a certain ancestry in, who embodies “home in yourself” so well. She lives and breathes feminine flow. How I wish that to be true for more women in the world—to wake up to our own feminine radiance.

A connection to others—community and depth—which is what this piece is about: getting out there, opening yourself up, asking to be invited or to send the invitation (not letting the outcome mean anything) and holding space for yourself and others.

Finally, a connection to a Source—the last connection that makes this a beautiful triunity is being connected to creative energy (aka life) or a higher power (in my case it’s God but you are welcome to assign your own divine source).

I dive into these three connections deeper in the work I do with my private clients as well on my podcast (the episodes are lined up and coming soon!). I won’t let you stop with me. I’m going to update this piece as much as I can, adding more resources for you to check and find soul-alignment in as you navigate life and seek the connections you desire the most.

And of course, it would be a disservice not to tell you that you are welcome to join my space and stay connected. There are various ways from email to Instagram and even deeper work, if that calls out to you. Simply send me a message or reply to any channels you’re able to hop on and I can promise you this: you are seen, you are heard and you are felt.

You are welcome to take up space in my universe, dear sister.

Resources for She who seeks

I’m sharing with you women who are happy to hold space for you and books that do the same. These have changed my life in more ways than I could ever imagine. Sift through this and connect with any that you feel called to.

I’ll be updating this as I encounter more resources in the future so I’d invite you to sign up below to free soulful, sacred letters so you can receive updates and creative inspiration like this weekly. Enjoy!

Coaches, Guides, Mentors

Emelitta Da Silva-Transformational Empowerment Coach, guides women back home to themselves. Radiantly Awakened Community
Shannon Santangelo - epilepsy warrior, facilitator, connection builder, Phoenix Rising Community
Victoria Evans - Science-based Intuitive Eating Coach, helping high-achieving women unlock greatness through finding food and body freedom, Weighing In On Happy Podcast
Araceliz Gomez - The Latina Investor, Latina Money Coach